Shut up

Strongly recommend that the background music for Mo Yan’s award ceremony be Black Eyed Peas’ ‘Shut Up’. It’s practically made for him! ——Shut up Just shut up Shut up. Shut up Just shut up Shut up. Shut up Shut up Shut it up Just shut up~~

[Note: In the speech after receiving an honorary doctoral degree at The Open University of Hong Kong in 2005, Mo Yan explained the reason why he created the pen name "Mo Yan" (literally "no talking") for himself: He was an outspoken child and often caused trouble for his parents during the Cultural Revolution. His family often warned him not to be too talkative. However, decades later, Mo Yan still hasn't been able to "stay quiet" in his writing career. His honesty often embarrassed fellow writers at literature conferences and even offended some readers of his books.]

强烈提议莫言的颁奖礼背景音乐放黑眼豆豆的Shut Up。简直就是为他量身定做啊!——Shut up Just shut up Shut up. Shut up Just shut up Shut up. Shut up Shut up Shut it up Just shut up~~

Nobel Laureate

Q: Are there any Chinese people who have won the Nobel prize?
A: There are, but they all have foreign citizenship.
(Ding Zhaozhong/Samuel C.C. Ting, Li Yuanzhe/Yuan T. Lee, Zhu Diwen/Steven Chu, Cui Qi/Daniel C. Tsui, Sai Zhenzhu/Pearl S. Buck , Qian Yongjian/Roger Yonchien Tsien)

Q: Are there any Chinese nationals who have won the Nobel prize?
A: There are, but they’re all citizens of the Republic of China.
(Li Zhengdao/Tsung-Dao Lee, Yang Zhenning/Chen Ning Yang)

Q: Are there any citizens of the New China [PRC] who have won the Nobel prize?
A: There is, but he doesn’t consider himself a Chinese citizen.
(Gao Xingjian)

Q: Are there any citizens of the New China that consider themselves Chinese who have won the Nobel prize?
A: There is, but we don’t consider him a Chinese citizen.
(Dalai Lama)

Q: Are there any citizens of the New China that consider themselves Chinese citizens and the country also considers them to be Chinese citizens who won the Nobel Prize?
A: There is, but he’s in prison.
(Liu Xiaobo)

问:有没有中国人获得诺贝尔奖?

答:有,但他们都拿着外国国籍。

(丁肇中、李远哲、朱棣文、崔琦、赛珍珠、钱永健)

问:有没有新中国的公民获得过诺贝尔奖?

答:有,但他不承认自己是中国公民。

(高行健)

问:有没有自己承认自己是中国公民,国家也承认他是中国公民的新中国公民获得诺贝尔奖?

答:有,但他在监狱里。

(刘晓波)

Cherish Your Night Owl Friend

cryIf you also have a friend who likes staying up all-night, please cherish him or her, because you ma not know when he or she might just suddenly die…

[Note: This Weibo post is popular among Chinese young people because they like forwarding this message and @-ing their friends.]

如果你也有个喜欢熬夜的朋友,请好好珍惜他,因为也许不知道什么时候,他就死了。。。

Physics Class

two-eggs

In middle school, when teaching about generating electricity through friction, the physics teacher asked: “When we take off a sweater in winter, we hear static, and even flashes [of electricity]. But it’s not like this in summer. Why?” A guy sitting in the back: “Because we don’t wear sweaters in the summer.”

中学时物理老师上课讲摩擦生电说:我们冬天的时候脱毛衣。毛衣都会嚓嚓响。还有电光。但是夏天就不会这样。为什么呢?后面的男生:因为夏天不穿毛衣。

Fit People Just Have Springy Feet

healthy-people-just-have-springy-feet

Fit people just have springy feet. —Consort Hua “The Legend of Zhenhuan

[Note: The original line is "Bitches are always pathetic.” 贱人 "despicable person" and 健人 "fit person" are homophones—[jiàn rén], while 矫情 [jiáo qíng] “pathetic” sounds like 脚勤 [jiǎo qín] “physically active, especially in walking or running.”]

脑残 [nǎo cán]

xiaoming

脑残 [nǎo cán] adj. Literally “brain-damaged”, this slang term is often used to laugh at a person who is ridiculous, dumb, or weird.

Actually Xiaoming is the most 2B kid in China. He always topples the ink [bottle] and then let us calculate the stuff inside [meaning the numbers covered by the ink]. He never solves a problem and always asks us to correct the mistakes for him. He always forgets to bring things and asks us to figure out the time when he gets home. He always likes releasing water from and adding water to a tank at the same time. He always likes chasing his Xiaohong on his bike…who can beat him in terms of forgetfulness and dumbness?

[Note: This quip is related to the Math assignments at Chinese elementary schools experienced by Chinese young people born in the 1980s and the 1990s. "Xiaoming" and "Xiaohong" are often featured in math problems. The scenarios mentioned above are not uncommon, either. For example, students are asked to figure out the missing numbers of an equation tainted by ink, the time spent on the way because "Xiaoming" has to return home to bring something, or the time spent on filling a tank which is slowly drained at the same time. The tone of the quip reflects a hint of nostalgia rather than sarcasm.]

其实小明才是中国最2B的孩子,他总是把墨水打翻,然后让我们算里面的东西。他做题目从没对过,总让我们帮他改正。他总是忘记带东西,让我们求他回家的时间。他总是喜欢边放水池的水,边往水池加水。他总是喜欢开个自行车追他的小红。。谁能跟他比健忘和脑残。。。。。