Tonight I was running with my girlfriend. She ran about 400 meters. Gasping, she stopped and said: Enough, enough. If I kept running, I will die! I saw her being all sweaty and her bangs a sticky mess, so I quickly took out my phone and took a pic. I said, “Hahaha, so ugly!” And then I turned around and ran. After chasing me for over 2,000 meters, she got me, took my phone, and deleted the pic…
The above picture series depict many Chinese students' dream parents. The picture series have inspired many versions about horoscopes, politics, news, etc.]
No comment. Kung Fu Kitty!
The doggie is watching the sunset.
The world created by a rural carpenter on the top of a pencil. Brilliant!
A Gemini is not a schizophrenic. That’s BOGO.
If someone threw a stone at you, don’t be mad. Please generously throw back a flower bouquet. Together with the vase.
George W. Bush’s Chinese exam report card [following the format of the report card of China's College English Test]
When we are strong, we will ask foreigners to take the CCT-4 & 6 [as opposed to College English Test (CET)-4 & 6]! Ancient Chinese is too simple; this [simply asking them to use ancient Chinese to answer exam questions] lets them off lightly, so they should all use the Chinese brush [to answer exam questions]. If they annoyed brother [referring to oneself], [I would] give each of them a cutting knife and a piece of tortoise shell to carve inscriptions of the Shang Dynasty (c. 16th – 11th century B.C.). The paper title is “On the Three Represents.” Use only Zhou Jielun‘s [Jay Chou] songs for the Listening section. [Make them] listen to his “Nunchucks” for only once and tell them it’s the normal speaking speed! Use I Ching for Reading Comprehension； Ask them to sing the Peking Opera for the Oral Exam; Experiment will just test their skills of wrapping dumplings.
[Note: This quip reflects Chinese students' frustrations over the College English Test (CET).]
学渣 [xué zhā] n. academic dregs, low-performing students, as opposed to “academic tyrants.”
‘学渣们好！’ ‘学霸好！’ ‘学渣们辛苦了！’ ‘为学霸垫底！’
“Hello, academic dregs!” “Hello, academic tyrants!” “Academic dregs, you’ve worked hard [a way of saying "thank you for your hard work."]!” “We take the bottom positions [in student rankings] for academic tyrants!”
[Note: This joke reflects the hierarchical relationship between high-performing ("academic tyrants") and low-performing ("academic dregs") students in China. The dialogue follows the pattern of a National Day protocol between the Chairman of the Party's Military Commission and the soldiers who participate in the military parade. The original dialogue is: "Hello, comrades!" "Hello, leader!" "Comrades, you've worked hard!" "We serve the people!"]
我发现自己不适合考公务员 因为我有个很奇葩的名字（via @在广州读大学 仇慧璐）
I discovered that I am not suited for applying to be civil servant, because I have a very bizarre name (via @在广州读大学 Qiu Huilu).
[Note: This girl's name 仇慧璐 [qiú huì lù] sound exactly like 求贿赂 “requesting bribes.”]