Ke Zhendong’s News

ke-zhendongHaving seen Ke Zhendong’s [Ko Chen-tung, a Taiwanese actor who was recently accused of drug use in China] news, my mom told me seriously, “Son, never take drugs!” Looking at my mom’s stern face, I felt an inexplicable throb in my heart. With tears in my eyes, I said, “Mom, prostitution, gambling, and drugs—which one do you think I can afford?”


Chinese in the Eyes of a Foreigner #6

If you answer them incorrectly, you’ll be thrown into a black little house [grounded]!!!!!! One hundred times!!!!!!!!

Every word has four tones. Every word! RIGHT!!!!!

Times four!!!!

When you say them incorrectly, people will laugh at you saying that you speak as if you were singing, RIGHT!!!!!!

I simply dare not speak up!!!!!!!!

Let’s not mention how hard it is to write Chinese! Just the mention of it brought tears to my eyes!!!!!!

There are 26 letters in English. Uppercase and lowercase for each.

How many freaking Chinese characters are there in the world? Thousands. Every character looks like a flower, right!!!!!!!!!

And you want to exchange love letters with pretty girls??????

When you finish your love letter, the pretty girl’s kid is old enough to hit soy sauce!!!!!!! RIGHT!!!!

(buy soy sauce.)

30,000 characters below are omitted. RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Chinese in the Eyes of a Foreigner #5

And they [quantifiers] are set. You can’t misuse them, right!!!!!!!!!!!!

“One PI horse” is OK, but “one PI pig” is not OK, but “one PI cloth” is OK again!!!!!!

(The usage of “匹 [pǐ]“)

Why? I don’t know. They call them “set phrases”.

Are you tricking your dad [kidding me]!!!!!!!! [Note: The term "tricking dad" is a popular Internet slang term.]

You think your dad [referring to self] is a child prodigy in memorization!!!!!!!

NND [what the hell], [the Chinese people] do not distinguish between “truck” and “train”, but they stipulate the quantifiers for “one truck” and “one train”!!!!

Could there be miscommunication when the quantifiers are misused??????

What kind of freaking language is this????


There are two ways of saying NO, right!!!!!!!

“Do you feel itchy there?” “Have you felt itchy there?” The negative answers are different!!!!!!!

How do you answer them then? Freaking set phrases, go figure!!!!!!


Chinese in the Eyes of a Foreigner #4

There is no tense. You have to guess all the time!!!!

“I want a promotion” and “I will promote” sound exactly the same!!!! (“我要 [wǒ yào]” has two meanings.

Are you going to say “Good luck!” or “Congratulations!”?

Take a guess! GOOD LUCK!!!

But if you say that Chinese has no rules, you have completely wronged this magic language!

All nouns go with fixed quantifiers!!!!!!!!!!!

“One horse” is not “one horse”!!!!!!!!!!

It’s”one PI horse”!!!!!!!!!!

“One pig” is not “one pig”!!!!!!!!!

It’s “one head pig”!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Chinese people have an unbelievably clear idea of quantity. RIGHT!!!!!!!!!

Quantifiers alone amount to hundreds!!!!!!!!!!!!!