School Slogan

[The sign reads:] Without the College Entrance Examination, can you fare better than the rich second generation?

“没有高考，你拼得过富二代吗？

How to…

The 1st searching result of “How” on Baidu.com: How to raise sperm quality

Our country’s population policy worked. Look, more and more people have been paying attention to raising the quality of the population.

[Note: China’s population policy is: Control population size, raise population quality.]

我国的人口政策效果显著啊。你看，越来越多人开始重视提高人口质量了。

Like Father, Like Daughter

Like father, like daughter.

有其父必有其女。

Prize

Son: Mom, I got 100 on the exam. What can I get? Mom: 10 RMB. Son: Please give me half of it first. I got 50.

儿子：“妈妈，我得了一百分，您奖给我什么呀？” 妈妈：“十块钱。” 儿子：“那就先奖我一半吧，我得了50分。”

Bottled up

Honey, why do you always keep your feelings bottled up? Why don’t you get them off your chest? -Because I want bigger boobs! -But the smaller your boobs are, the closer our hearts will be!

-亲爱的，为什么你总把事情，放在心里不说出来呢？-想把胸部撑大！-可是胸越小，我们的心就越近哦！

崩溃 [bēng kuì]

崩溃 [bēng kuì] adj. Feeling crushed, having an emotional meltdown.

Which of the following statements drove you nuts back at school? 1. Now I’ll read your scores; 2. We will finish this point and then we will take a break; 3. Learning Chinese needs some epiphany moments.

上学时你听到哪句话最崩溃？1、现在念下考试成绩；2、我们讲完这点再下课；3、语文有时要靠悟。

Cold Joke about a Cold Room

“This room is so cold, Daddy.” “Go stand in that corner.” “Why? “Because it’s 90 degrees.”

-爸爸，这房间真冷。-站墙角去。-为什么？-那个墙角有90度啊。

Muffin Top and Tuzki’s Face

Dear, you are not too different from me!

“Honey, you look a lot like Tuzki!” “How come?” “When you are sitting shirtless on the couch, your belly looks like Tuzki’s face…”

“老公，你长得很像兔斯基！”“我哪里像？”“你赤裸上身坐在沙发上的时候，你的肚子很像兔斯基的脸…”

On a Whim

What an adorable creature a mosquito would be if it sucked my fat instead of my blood!

如果蚊子不吸血，改行抽脂肪，那它会是多么可爱的小生灵啊!

Why Are Many Men Still Single

It is said that the reason why many men are still single is that the women they love are all in their hard drives.

[Note: Japanese porn movies are popular among Chinese men.]

据说很多男生至今单身的原因是他们喜欢的人都在硬盘里。