笑尿[xiào niào] v. Laugh [so hard that I] wet my pants.
都教授 [dū jiào shòu] n. Professor Du, referring to Do Min-joon from the South Korean TV show My Love from the Star which was tremendously popular in China in 2013.
笑点 [xiào diǎn] n. Literally “laughing point,” this slang term refers to how easy it is to make someone burst into laughter. An easily amused person has a low laughing point.
Forwarding two punchlines that cracked me up: putting them together, the first line is “A teenager who wants to do cosmetic surgeries claims to morph into Professor Du—professors in Chengdu hearing the news flock to flee Chengdu.” The second line is “Straw Hat Lufy claims to be the King [of Pirates] in the sea—Shanghai residents hearing the news rush to strengthen their efforts to protect against theft.” My laughing point is low. Sorry hahahahahahahahahahaha.
[Note: To understand this quip, one needs a basic understanding of pauses in the Chinese language.
整成都教授 can be read as 整 成都教授 “to bully Chengdu professors” or 整成 都教授 “to morph into Professor Du [through cosmetic surgeries].”
当上海贼王 can be read as 当 上海贼王 “to become the Thief King of Shanghai” or 当上 海贼王 “to become the King of Pirates in the sea.”]