Ladies, take note! The latest research shows: Extreme joy leads to bigger boobs, because-乐极升杯 [lè jí shēng bēi] “Extreme joy increases the breast size.”
[Note: The original idiom is 乐极生悲 [lè jí shēng bēi] “Extreme joy begets sorrow.” Homophones 升杯 and 生悲 are used here for humor.]
女士们注意了，科学最新研究发现大笑可以丰胸。因为…乐极升杯!
QQ’s logo is a penguin with a neck warmer.
问：“微博最早是谁发明的？”答：“必须是腾讯！”——因为：QQ十多年来一直没穿内裤，却一直系着围脖！！！。。。
Q: Who invented Weibo? A: It must be Tencent! – Because for over ten years, QQ never wears the underwear, but it is always wearing the neck warmer!
[Note: 围脖 [wéi bó] “neck warmer” is a nickname for 微博 [wēi bó] “Weibo” because they sound similar.]
在路上碰见个外国友人，背着旅行包跟我说：“我想看胸毛。”
我一愣，问他：“在这里吗？”
“对，你们的胸毛很漂亮！”
想不到一帅小伙竟有这样的癖好，我犹豫了下当街脱掉了上衣，他惊惧地看我一眼！跑掉了！
事后回想了下他可能是要去动物园吧，呵呵好歹老子也是考过四级的你说PANDA会死啊？
Came across a foreign friend [In China, this is a friendly way of referring to foreigners you may or may not know] on the road. Carrying a travel bag, he said to me, “I want to see chest hair.”
I was stunned for a sec and asked him, “Here?”
“Yes. Your chest hair is so beautiful!”
I didn’t expect a handsome guy to have such a special hobby. I hesitated for a bit but then took off my shirt on the street. He looked at me in fear! And then ran away!
Later I thought it over and realized he probably wanted to go to the zoo. Hehe for better or for worse I passed CET-4 [College English Test-Level 4]. Will you die if you say PANDA?
[Note: Many non-Chinese learners of the Chinese language find it hard to pronounce the four tones correctly. Compare 胸毛 (xiōng máo) “chest hair” and 熊猫 (xióng māo) “panda”. Well this foreign friend was so close…]
搅基 [jiǎo jī] v. To display homosexuality. To develop romantic relationships as homosexuals.
压力山大 [yā lì shān dà] Expression. Mountains of stress. To be overtly stressed. This Internet slang term sounds like 亚历山大 [yà lì shān dà] Alexander.
撸 [lū] v. To stroke [the penis]. To masturbate.
节操 [jié cāo] n. Integrity, the moral character. This slang term is often used in teasing and joking.
英国刚出生的小王子的名字：George Alexander Louis 有网友翻译为 搅基 压力山大 撸一世。节操在哪里？![[挤眼]](https://i0.wp.com/img.t.sinajs.cn/t4/appstyle/expression/ext/normal/c3/zy_org.gif "[挤眼]")
UK’s newborn little prince’s name: George Alexander Louis. A netizen translated it as: Gay Mountains of Stress Stroke [the dick] for Life. Where is [the translator’s] scruples?
[Note: Usually the prince’s name is transalted as: 乔治·亚历山大·路易斯 (qiáo zhì yà lì shān dà lù yì sī). ]
炮友 [páo yǒu] n. Cannon+friend. Friends with benefits. This Internet slang term is related to 約炮 [yuē pào].
“老师，我11岁，想问一个问题。” “你好，想问神马？” “基友和炮友有什么不同啊？” 我顿时觉得一种来自祖国未来的压力…… 然后我想了想很认真地回答他：“基友就是一起吃肯德基的朋友，炮友就是一起吃泡面的朋友。前者注重交流，后者注重效率。”
“Teacher, I’m 11 years old. I want to ask a question.” “Hello. What do you want to ask?” “What’s the difference between Jiyou [Literally “gay friends”] and Paoyou [friends with benefits]?” I immediately felt a kind of pressure from the future of our country…I thought about it carefully and then answered him, “Jiyou is a friend who has meals with you at KFC (kěn dé jī), while Paoyou is a friend who eats instant noodles [pào miàn] with you. The former emphasizes communication, while the latter focuses on efficiency.”
[Note: Chinese students address any teacher by “Teacher” instead of “Mr.”, “Ms.”, “Dr.”, or “Professor”.]
中国文化真是博大精深。。。
The Chinese culture is really rich and profound…
iPhone5销量被我国诗人李白看好：长Phone破浪会有时，直挂云帆济沧海。
The sales of iPhone 5 are considered promising by Poet Li Bai of our country: A time will come for the long phone to cleave the waves, it will set the cloud-white sail and cross the sea which raves.
[Note: This quip makes fun of the long iPhone 5 with Li Bai’s poem based on homophones. “Long phone” sounds like “strong wind” in the original poem.]
世界上最二的一句英文，莫过于“从1：58到2：02”，请大声朗读：two to two to two two.
The two-est English sentence in the whole world is “from 1:58 to 2:02”. Please read aloud: Two to two to two two.
[Note: As a slang term, “2” in Chinese means “stupid”.]
“这首词是辛弃疾写的……”“我怎么知道，星期天吧。”
“This Ci [a type of classical Chinese poetry, originating in the Tang Dynasty and fully developed in the Song Dynasty] was written by Xin Qiji…” “How do I know? Perhaps Sunday…”
[Note: This is a joke about homophones–the poet’s name “Xin Qiji” (xīn qì jí) sounds like “what day (of the week)” (xīng qī jǐ). As a result, the second person misunderstood the first person’s words and thought the former asked, “On which day was this Ci written?”]
Haha China 